I called early to get Mom's schedule for the day, so we could get there while she wasn't occupied with occupational or physical therapy. Overnight caregiver Sandy told me she had slept well, good to hear, as that had been a problem. We got ourselves together, slowly, as by now we are moving through molasses, and got there late morning. She was sound asleep, so asleep that when the OT Sweet Thang Adam came to get her, he said he would reschedule her for later in the day, just let her rest.
We waited around for awhile, catching up, watching her sleep like I remember doing with my son, rather in wonder at the Universes contained in that body. We learned that she didn't have the clothes she needed, and there were other things that needed doing at her house in Greeneville, 45 minutes away. Leaving the day sitter right there in the chair beside her, we left to get lunch and do the external chores.
The external chores took a little longer than we thought, as we decided to put one of her lights on a random timer, not knowing how long she will be completely gone from her house. That meant a trip to the hardware store and then figuring out how to adapt the plug in her 50-plus year old house. We also figured out the day would be immeasurably improved if we stopped at a little gourmet chocolate shop in Jonesboro, and we could bring her some too. We kept the caregiver informed and worked our way down the list, filling her birdfeeders, hiding her checkbook (not very well - burglary may not be a career choice for either of us), gathering up mail and newspapers. By the time we walked in with Starbuck's coffee for everyone, clothes, chocolates, books, magazines, papers, mail and an uncanny sense of foreboding, it was around 4 p.m.
She was livid.
"I hope nobody ever does you the way you have done me," she said, her eyes flashing and her face set in stone. Her daytime caregiver yesterday, the meekest of the rotation, shrunk back into her chair. I knew immediately what she meant, but also knew I knew more than Mom did why she was so furious. And because of that I also knew her feelings were completely unjustified, in my world. They made complete sense in a world that has no past nor future connected to it, no context.
We had abandoned her, after all she had done for us. This was unforgivable, obviously. She refused to talk about it; chose glaring instead, no matter our telling her, calmly and quietly, more than once, where we had been, as we unloaded bag after bag of the evidence.
"I hope you never have to go through what you have put me through," she said, again, and again, after what I suppose were suitable pauses for emphasis. "To just leave me like that, just because I was asleep!. . ."
"That's fine," I finally said, after the third round of explanation was not melting the glacier stuck in that bed. Smiling (wearily I'm sure), I simply said, "we don't have to stay. We can get all this unloaded and just go on. That's OK too."
That helped the tiniest bit, then lo and behold she was hit with leg cramps, which she needed somebody to massage. Laura had somehow slid further into favor already so when she offered to rub her legs, she was given permission and started in. The Goddess was with me and when it was determined that bananas would help, I immediately grabbed the car keys.
I took the long route to the grocery, driving in complete wonderment at all this. Perhaps I was and am delirious, but I realized her state of mind in receiving all this doesn't alter one whit what we are doing for her or our willingness to do it. This is all rooted in something far deeper than gratitude or frustration or god-knows-what. . .
By the time I got back, with bananas and another meal for the caretaker, my sister had worked wonders, or the pain medication had, or time. Mom smiled at me as I came in, and immediately said no to the bananas. She said she was "overwhelmed with bananas."
OK, that's fine. . .Lordy. . .
She had to go to the bathroom (I promise I'll make this part short). The orderly that came to help her was a bit of a hunk and she was quite impressed although we didn't know that until later. The drill is that she puts her arms around his neck and he leans in and puts his arms around her middle and hoists her up and into the wheelchair, takes her into the bathroom and when she's done, we do all this in reverse.
After she was back in bed and he had left, she said, "there sure are some good-looking men around here. I don't know what the protocol is. I don't suppose it would do to kiss them while they are lifting you off the commode. . ."
We leave Johnson City for home this morning. I'm already partially packed. I can't thank you all enough for taking this journey with me. We aren't done by any means, but it has helped so much to have this means of reaching you, and it has helped far more than I can express to have you reach back. . .a sustaining web for sure. . .
All blessings all around. . .
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